Relationship Advice: What I’ve Learned

This is a post that is definitely a bit different for me. It has nothing to do with the shoe of the season or which face mask I am loving right now – it is all about my relationship with Andrew and all the things I have learned over nearly a decade together. I am not saying we have it all figured out or we are #relationshipgoals by any means but we are extremely happy together and that’s the most important thing. Also, we are at such a fun stage in our lives and relationship that I wanted to be sure to write this post now so that I will have this relationship advice to look back on for years to come.

First of all, let me give you a bit of insight into the relationship that Andrew and I have! We met when we were just baby high school students – I had just passed my driver’s test the first day we ever hung out. Like most relationships at that age, we started out as good friends – I never expected to or planned to date him, and vice versa. He was a silly 17 year old class clown and I was a 16 year old social butterfly. Our paths had never crossed before which was quite strange because we both mingled around school a lot – AKA neither of us ever stopped talking – and had a lot of mutual friends! But it’s all about timing, right? Neither of us expected it but all of a sudden, we fell for each other and the rest is history.

Fast forward almost eight years into the future and here we are! We’ve spent every day since November 2, 2009 being best friends and partners in crime. We have been through so much together and have overcome so many obstacles in our way and all of these things have taught us something. I have watched Andrew transform from the boy who dressed up as a candy bar for Homecoming Week into a hard-working, professional man that I couldn’t love more if I tried.

Be Appreciative

This is one of the most important things I have learned in this relationship and it definitely works both ways. Andrew is constantly doing sweet things for me, whether it’s taking out the garbage because he knows I hate it or bringing home my favorite flowers when he knows I’ve had a rough day. I could easily get used to this and let these things go unnoticed but I make a conscious effort to acknowledge every sweet thing he does so that he knows how appreciative I really am. On the flip side, he does the same exact thing with me. When he comes home and sees that I’ve cleaned all day, he immediately says “Woah! It’s so clean in here! Thanks Laur!” and that makes me totally glad I spent my day on my hands and knees scrubbing the baseboards. This works with intangible things as well! Make sure you acknowledge it when your significant other is clearly making an effort to be patient with you or when they watch that show you know they hate. Doing things you don’t feel like doing is much easier when you know it’s appreciated! I also try to be appreciative of him in front of other people – I’ll tell my mom about something sweet he did when I know he can hear me or he will boast to his friends about something I did for him. Appreciation goes a long way!

Always Be Happy To See Them

This is something that took me a little while to learn and that’s not because I was ever less than enthused to see Andrew walk through the door. Although I always find comfort in him being there and get genuinely excited for him to arrive, sometimes when I am in the middle of something, it’s easy to brush off his entrance and say a boring “hi” when he walks through the door. My mommy taught me how to remedy this one because she sometimes caught herself doing the same thing, even though she is always beyond excited for my sweet dad to come home. Sometimes all it takes is being aware of it and expressing how you’re actually feeling. If that means doing a cartwheel when they come in, so be it! If you’re not quite as athletic, greet them with a big smile and let them see your eyes light up when you see them. There is nothing better than knowing someone is happier just because you exist.

Share Interests

This doesn’t mean you need to change your interests completely to match theirs but finding things that you can both enjoy together is so important. For example, Andrew is a sports fanatic. I know everyone says that about their boyfriend but really, the man knows everything there is to know about every single sport and athlete on Earth. And no, I am not exaggerating. Am I going to go play tackle football with him on weekends? No. Have I learned to love and appreciate sports so that we can enjoy them together? Heck yeah! I am not talking about memorizing a Wikipedia page so that you can fake a conversation on your first date. Go to sporting events with him and really get into it! Did I first start going to the Miami Heat games for the cute outfits and tickets to the Grey Goose Lounge? You betcha. Do I now occasionally watch Ray Allen’s game-changing 3-pointer in Game 6 of the NBA Finals on YouTube by myself? Yep! Seeing him enjoy something so much made me have a genuine interest and now a genuine love for sports and he does the same for me! Does he really care about my pink fuzzy shoes? No. Did he learn the difference between a midi and maxi hemline? Yes. I don’t even want him to know everything about fashion, I am not trying to marry Tim Gunn, but just seeing him make an effort is what really matters to me.

Be Best Friends

I know, I know. Everyone says that it’s important to be friends with your significant other but I really think this is the one thing that makes Andrew and I the happiest of all. Although I totally see the value in a core group of girlfriends and spending time with your besties (there is nothing that will ever replace that!), I would rather do 99% of things with Andrew than with anyone else. We truly do love hanging out with each other and just being “buds.” Whether it’s watching our favorite TV show together or going to a fancy dinner, we just have fun being in each other’s company.

Love Who They Love

This one came pretty easy for both of us but I am mentioning it because I know it would be a deal breaker if it didn’t. His family just happens to be ultra warm and welcoming (and no, I am not just saying this because I know they’re reading) so it was really easy for me to consider them family right away. His mom is literally one of the best people I know – she and I have developed such a special relationship over the years. We became extremely close when I worked at her office over the summer and we got to spend quality time together without Andrew there. This helped our already good relationship turn into a great one and we got to know each other on a much different level. I know Andrew loves how much I love his mom and that’s because he loves her so much. The same thing applies with my family, I know for a fact my parents love Andrew as one of their own children. It does have something to do with the fact that they know how well he treats me and that he loves me as much as they do but they also love him as a person, not just as my boyfriend. The first words out of most of my family’s mouth when they see me is “Where’s Andrew?!” and it doesn’t bother me one bit. It’s such a compliment to me that they all love the person I have chosen to spend my life with as much as I do. My dad and Andrew golf together, my siblings and Andrew laugh together, and my mom and Andrew joke around together – and although none of these things have anything to do with me, nothing brings me greater joy than all the people I love the most, loving each other. Sometimes it takes work but making an effort to love who they love will always mean something to your partner!

Never Stop Playing

As we get older and have to do more “grown up” stuff like paying bills, talking finances, and making life-changing decisions, it can become easy to be all business, all the time. And I am sure this only gets more intense as you buy a house, have children, etc.! Andrew and I know how to be serious when we need to but I would say about 85% of the time we are messing around with each other and just laughing as much as we can. It’s important never to lose that spark and playfulness that usually comes with the beginning of a relationship! Small things like pinching his bum when he walks by or playing little jokes on each other adds a lightheartedness to your relationship! We never go a day without hysterically laughing at least once. This is not to say that we don’t both have rough days or times where we don’t feel like messing around (PMS, anyone?) but we always make an effort to be cheerful and have fun whenever we can! It doesn’t take a big vacation or fancy party to have fun, sometimes we have a blast just going to the grocery store and kidding around the whole time we are there. Find joy in the little things and never stop playing!

There are countless things that I’ve learned from our time spent together and I know I will learn something new as soon as I finish this post. That’s the beauty of sharing your life with someone, you grow together and keep learning every single minute. And you never stop loving each other every step of the way.